Aaron's Fortune-Telling Program: Your Future

After careful deliberation by our panel of experts, we believe that the following is an accurate prediction of your future:

We don't believe it! You're still alive! You were supposed to have moved on to the next spiritual world two years ago! We'd have to take that up with someone up here. Obviously someone slipped up, but don't worry -- we'll sort it out. Since you're living on borrowed time, all you can do now is wait, it won't be long now. We suggest faking your death a couple of times -- you know, get used to the idea. It can be fun. Well as much fun as you can have, waiting to die. You shouldn't have been so inquisitive about your future, because by coming to this website you just shortened your life by a couple of years. We wouldn't have known about you. Bummer, dude.

Remember: the future is changeable, and your knowledge of your future may lead to your avoiding the events that make it happen. Thus, we cannot guarantee results. (In fact, if you load this page again, you will most likely get a different fortune, due to this effect.) However, we are proud of our life forecasting service, and we stand behind our work.

See our panel of experts