Aaron's Fortune-Telling Program: Your Future
After careful deliberation by our panel of experts, we believe that the following is an accurate prediction of your future:A lucrative career awaits you in a field you have no desire to be in. If you are a clean freak, garbage removal companies will send you contract proposals; if you have a conscience, advertising agencies, legal firms, or the Federal Government will have representatives waiting at your door; if you are completely informal, Miss Manners will ask you to be her replacement; if you are shy and passive, Jay Leno will ask you to be his permanent guest host. Finally, you give in to the pressure and take the job, although the romantic interest in your life carries out his or her threat to leave you. Of course, you will hate it, and as soon as you've made enough to retire upon, you quit. By this time you will have found another yet not quite satisfying love interest. When you attempt to reconcile with your old flame, before you get a chance to say anything he or she will thank you for taking the job as leaving you was the best thing he or she has ever done. This will depress you so much you attempt to take your own life, but before you can you are stopped, put in a hospital, and given electroshock treatment regularly for three years. After this, you will find you do enjoy your new field after all, but now you won't be really all that good at it anymore.
Remember: the future is changeable, and your knowledge of your future may lead to your avoiding the events that make it happen. Thus, we cannot guarantee results. (In fact, if you load this page again, you will most likely get a different fortune, due to this effect.) However, we are proud of our life forecasting service, and we stand behind our work.