Aaron's Fortune-Telling Program: Your Future

After careful deliberation by our panel of experts, we believe that the following is an accurate prediction of your future:

Fame and fortune both appear to be in your future. Unfortunately, robbing a Seattle bank and then appearing on America's Most Wanted will not be as fulfilling as you had originally thought. Although you will be convicted after Brazil finally signs an extradition treaty, in the meantime your ill-gotten gains go quickly, and you are forced to take a job as streetsweeper after Carnival. Here you meet the man or woman of your dreams, and the two of you retire to your house for an affaire du coeur. However, you neglect to get the other's permission for this, and Brazilian authorities arrest you for kidnapping; it is after your 25 year term that you are extradited to the U.S. Once there, however, your new minimum-security prison is so unlike the Brazilian dungeon to which you have become accustomed that you are almost unaware that you are imprisoned. You will find happiness in your new career as a metal-stamper.

Remember: the future is changeable, and your knowledge of your future may lead to your avoiding the events that make it happen. Thus, we cannot guarantee results. (In fact, if you load this page again, you will most likely get a different fortune, due to this effect.) However, we are proud of our life forecasting service, and we stand behind our work.

See our panel of experts