Aaron's Fortune-Telling Program: Your Future

After careful deliberation by our panel of experts, we believe that the following is an accurate prediction of your future:

Although your career will proceed without major difficulty, you will find that over time it becomes unfulfilling and empty. Instead of putting effort into your job, it seems you will take up an expensive and time-consuming hobby -- Arctic exploring, Rolls Royce demolition derbies, making inflammatory and untrue remarks about American celebrities in British tabloids, attacking heavyweight boxing champions in the streets, that sort of thing. You will either end up held for contempt in bankruptcy court or in a hospital in Las Vegas. In any case, the love of your life will be beside you, although by this time he or she will be consumed with impotent fury at your crazy antics (and except for an irrational love that surfaces every couple of years would gladly have gone away with either Molly Ringwald or Christian Slater when he or she asked him or her), and he or she will be mainly interested in pestering you for days in a vain hope that you will give it up and go back to work.

Remember: the future is changeable, and your knowledge of your future may lead to your avoiding the events that make it happen. Thus, we cannot guarantee results. (In fact, if you load this page again, you will most likely get a different fortune, due to this effect.) However, we are proud of our life forecasting service, and we stand behind our work.

See our panel of experts