Aaron's Fortune-Telling Program: Your Future

After careful deliberation by our panel of experts, we believe that the following is an accurate prediction of your future:

Through a completely unexpected turn of events, you will be solicited to run for political office. You will rise through the ranks of power and through your connections will obtain all the money, possessions, BMWs, and sex you desire. Unfortunately, a vote cast by you on a new soft drink law will enrage the Coca-Cola corporation. It is not known whether or not they will have a hand in it, but the future holds that you will die choking on a soda with too much carbonation fizz.

Remember: the future is changeable, and your knowledge of your future may lead to your avoiding the events that make it happen. Thus, we cannot guarantee results. (In fact, if you load this page again, you will most likely get a different fortune, due to this effect.) However, we are proud of our life forecasting service, and we stand behind our work.

See our panel of experts