Aaron's Fortune-Telling Program: Your FutureAfter careful deliberation by our panel of experts, we believe that the following is an accurate prediction of your future:
You adopt a cute little dog that you name Ralph. Ralph seems especially intelligent, but you are completely surprised when Ralph begins to speak. Word gets out and people pay thousands of dollars to see and hear Ralph. You decide that the best way to exploit your new find is to take him on a traveling road show, against Ralph's better judgement. One night, a group of angry animal activists come and steal Ralph from you, burn down your tent and take all of your money as well. You move home to live out the rest of your days with your mother, mowing neighborhood lawns for a living. Later on, you hear that Ralph has graduated from Harvard and has been elected to the Senate, where he champions the new legislation "the anti-(your name here) act", which will put a stop to the horrendous exploitation of talking dogs in America.
Remember: the future is changeable, and your knowledge of your future may lead to your avoiding the events that make it happen. Thus, we cannot guarantee results. (In fact, if you load this page again, you will most likely get a different fortune, due to this effect.) However, we are proud of our life forecasting service, and we stand behind our work.