Aaron's Fortune-Telling Program: Your Future

After careful deliberation by our panel of experts, we believe that the following is an accurate prediction of your future:

Ball-point pens and three-ring binders play a role in your future. Although your career in stationery is satisfactory in itself, it will seem not to lead you anywhere. Eventually you will become impatient, and one day your frustration with a delivery of envelopes leads you to take a job with the U.S. Postal Service. Although you are unexcited by your new employment, you become quite good at it. Eventually that city council member you had a long affair with will become President and appoint you Postmaster General, in which office you will excel by being the only person in the Postal Service's long history to even suggest lowering the price of a stamp. The success of this move makes you the only Postmaster General to be a household name and appear on Oprah Winfrey and Geraldo. You and either Oprah or Geraldo hit it off, and eventually you both retire to Medicine Hat, Alberta, where Oprah or Geraldo does the weather on the local CBC and you become a letter carrier for Canada Post.

Remember: the future is changeable, and your knowledge of your future may lead to your avoiding the events that make it happen. Thus, we cannot guarantee results. (In fact, if you load this page again, you will most likely get a different fortune, due to this effect.) However, we are proud of our life forecasting service, and we stand behind our work.

See our panel of experts