Aaron's Fortune-Telling Program: Your Future
After careful deliberation by our panel of experts, we believe that the following is an accurate prediction of your future:On a whim, you will join a cult that believes Bigfoot is the creator of the universe. Daily, you will blissfully leave sacrifices of goat cheese and peanut brickle ice cream in your secret circle in the forest. After many years of fruitlessly hoping to meet your maker, you will binge on the sacrifice in disappointed frustration. You take a sudden liking to goat cheese, and spend the next five years of your life in a downward spiral centered around your newfound addiction. Later, after being forced into a rehab center, you turn your life around and start a goat cheese addiction support group that gives inspiration and help to thousands of people nationwide. However, you're sued when cheese is found to provide certain life-sustaining nutrients, and 78.6% of the members of your group suddenly die from malnutrition.
Remember: the future is changeable, and your knowledge of your future may lead to your avoiding the events that make it happen. Thus, we cannot guarantee results. (In fact, if you load this page again, you will most likely get a different fortune, due to this effect.) However, we are proud of our life forecasting service, and we stand behind our work.